Some of you respect my technical analysis prowess. Most of you do not. As I continue to carve notches of deviant SPX conquests on my 4-post bed, a few of you are coming around. But what almost no one realizes is that my mad TA skillz are the direct by-product of my ultra-mega-macro-fundamental-analysis (UMMFA); and yes, it’s quite a bit bigger than yours.

You see, the cornerstone of UMMFA is a little thing I like to call reality. You might’ve heard of it. It may have even slapped you across the face with a weighted fleshy girth a time or two in the past. But in my experience, most traders flee like a streetwalker in 6-inch pumps running from a Japanese fishing village hanging-10 in March at the first glimpse of it. This reality of which I speak is not the parade of electron gun dogs and ponies so many of you “tune in” to on a daily basis that lulls your brain into an alpha-state of endorphin-addled poprock bread pudding. That circus of handsome liars and sycophants exists for the sole purpose of selling you shit; be it a worldview or a Benz (weltanschauungskrieg, anyone?). If you’re one of those “reading-types” go look up a cat by the name of Herbert Krugman and hold onto your butt.

The truth is, our entire system is completely and utterly rotten to the core and it pwns 99.99% of us every single day of our lives. Of course, you don’t want to hear that. Who does? Surely, this is just a dramatically exaggerated and unfair characterization of a system with its share of problems, like any other, but fundamentally good, right? Wrong. Self-interest is the name of the game. And solely out of self-interest, humans will invariably lie, cheat, steal, and kill. I could count the ways for you, but would it do any good? Probably not. Because odds are your programming will kick in and you’ll just go crawling back to Feel Good, Inc. and the habitual belief that fundamentals are the way, the truth, and the light. All the while, every facet of traditional fundamental analysis is on the take.

“But, but, but Ron?” you’re thinking. “Aren’t you just a hypocrite then? You think it’s all rotten, but you exploit it for your own ends? Why you hating?” I’m not hating on the game. Far from it. Slap my ass and call me Dick Vitale. Uh oh! Uh Oh! UH OH! BINGO BOINGO! I love this game. You bet your sweet cheeks I do. Where else can I sit in my underwear all day brushing my shiny man-goat fur and grow my money by 30% year over year? I’m merely highlighting the fallacy of adhering to a “fundamentals” perspective that doesn’t regard the most fundamental aspects of reality and having the chutzpah to call yourself a fundamental analyst.

So, take a piece of advice from your friendly neighborhood spidergoat… Throw away your television. Forget what you think you know about fundamentals. And get on the technical analysis bandwagon of degenerate dumpster diving manimals that follow the one and only incorruptible fundamental: PRICE ACTION.

Good day, sir!

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